This morning I wrote a LinkedIn post about Major League Baseball and the communication gap that exists between players and owners.
For years, the owners threw money at players to keep them at bay- but now, the feud goes beyond money and both sides are chapped.
I called this a failure as it relates to The Power of Duality.
Duality is about both sides.
In this case, it is about separation and loss.
But, it can easily be about coming together and victory.
Which is what today's post is about.
I often coach leaders who have frustrations about something or many things.
***Usually they are centered around people.
(some they manage, some they work for, some they live with!)
When I coach them, we commit to NO rash decisions but instead we work through the previous interactions and what we want to see happen with our relationship with these people as well as the outcomes we desire from them.
That is the starting point of a positive duality.
We often can get so hijacked by our emotions that daggers come out towards people when in fact, all they need is clarity and to be addressed differently.
Are there some assholes out there that need to go? Yes.
But, there are many that just need to be handled different.
Also, if your emotions are running high, it is very hard to approach people without showing that hand of frustration.
So what do we do?
If we are committed to victory of both parties, the interactions we face all start with this:
Step 1: What are you looking for and needing?
Step 2: Next, you let them know what YOU are looking for and needing.
Now, it is all out there.
Step 3: The next step is the coming together part- and is often where emotion can fly.
How do 2-parties come together....
By helping the other party reach and achieve what they are wanting and needing.
**When you can show somebody a plan, or better yet collaborate on a plan to get somebody where they want and need to go, you can have victory because that person senses you are an ally not an enemy.
As soon as somebody senses you are trying to beat them- negotiation, achievement, and forward movement often die.
Both parties can win.
Work through the sticking points by going back to helping the other party win.
At the end, when all points are tallied, things should look pretty even.
You got most of what you wanted, they got most of what they wanted.
Do not provoke emotion, especially in the sense of making the other party feel as if you are looking to defeat them. If you do, you will have defeated yourself in most cases.
Why did I write this today?
Because unnecessary frustration can be found everywhere because of hyper-competitiveness around the principle of ME VS. YOU.
Now, as you know I am 100% for competition and hate participation trophies..
But I am also 100% for winning.
And winning does not always happen in a ME VS. YOU, but often in a ME VS. ME, US VS. US.
Don't defeat yourself!
Don't let your emotions beat you- they will win every time if you let them.
COACH DANA CAVALEA
December 29, 2022
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