by Dana Cavalea March 03, 2017

We all know the industry known as "self-help"...but the title does not match up with the proposed practice.

The category of self-help is showing to be one of "cruch-ing" and enablement based on a lot of what I can see.

After speaking for quite some time with a client yesterday, who was passionate about advancing herself, I heard the voice of confusion- and it prompted me to write todays blog.

She started with pain and fatigue- took multiple tests that could not actually diagnose a syndrome- and then became determined to find the solution to her pain... and now after going through this journey.. she is back in pain. A year has gone by, the body has changed, numbers have improved, but we are back where we started. Pain, confusion, frustration, and seeking more become something does not feel right.

Wanting to be your best self is great- but like any other "disorder".. self-help obsession can also play into this. When is enough, enough?

At what point do we stop seeking and start practicing/living?

At what point do we start looking within ourselves?

In today's self-help marketplace, we have people that can teach you how to sleep, how to prime yourself in the morning, how to eat, how to change your mindset, how to use tools like "tapping" to change your pattern... diets that take out wheat, soy, dairy, and now even certain inflammatory vegetables..at this point what is left? There is not guarantee these tools will actually work for YOU.

What if you read all of these books, went to every Guru's seminar, put their advice into play, and were still not happy? Is it you? Does this stuff actually work? If it doesn't will you slide further into the abyss of self-hate?

I have found seeking tips and tools is one thing- but creating an obsession to "achieve", "succeed" and "find the best way" can actually inhibit you and create a co-dependency that is down right, unhealthy. This will take you further from the direction you seek, and put your on the perpetual wheel of "seek more, read more, do less".

The Self-Help Industry has some good offerings- but it is now becoming a breeding ground for those looking to make a profit off of those in need- rather than truly helping people overcome in "times" of difficulty.. The "times" should be short intervals, and not last a "lifetime." I have seen many people lately enter the industry of "coaching" and they have never actually Coached anybody-- but they have learned the art of marketing, and announce themselves to the world as somebody who can save you.

My advice: Save Yourself.

As a long time Coach, I have always used techniques to help my athletes and executives "overcome".. but the goal is let them discover what works best for them... completely "individualized".. promoting self-expression.. and providing a place/ environment for them to be themselves without judgement... Be a facilitator not a debilitat-or .

When we look to many of the Guru's of Personal Development.. they are imparting their "techniques" on the masses.. which may not actually be a good thing for the masses.. It is so important to teach people how to use tools, and encourage them to figure out what works best for them.

Every Spring Training, players would come into camp with a tool box of "new gimmicks".. never the players on long-term deals that were "confident".. but the players looking for a spot.. again, somebody took advantage of a vulnerable situation. 

Self-Awareness is more important than Personal Growth. We grow with time, with experiences, and dealing with the battles of life through our support system of friends and family. 

We GROW by taking action- and moving forward in times of "pain".. We GROW though failure. We GROW by constantly putting ourselves "out there" and in "situations that are not comfortable"...

Think about your life? Where have grown the most? In times of comfort or times of pain?

I am an advocate of growth, but I am not an advocate of people enabling others- citing "GROWTH" as the mechanism for profitability. 

Read, Explore, and most importantly LIVE... you will find the answers you seek. Trust yourself, trust your process. Your continuous journey will open the doors that contain the pertinent information you need to continue. We are all going to be ok.

Dana Cavalea
Dana Cavalea


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